Entitlement

                                                Playing bingo at Foxwoods

I sat down at one of the long empty tables in the bingo hall.  I situate myself having my stamper in one hand and the other holding a paper cup brimming with limitless orange soda.  I hunker down and scan the numbers.  Each small dot I blot gives me a small thrill.  Each small dot represents a promise to win.  I litter these dots all over my card, getting closer to my goal until some jerk calls bingo.  Then I’m pissed, I’m crushed, discouraged and lied to.  But I come back for more.  After I crumple up and throw away that good for nothing bingo card, I look down and see a fresh one.  One that is clean and full of promise.  I tell myself not to mess up this time as I take a sip of soda and stamp all my free spaces.

My friend Kristina wins over $200.  I’m happy for her and it gives me hope that someday I may end up winning something.  It’s not impossible.

                                               Playing the slots at Foxwoods 

Kristina gave me twenty dollars to play with so I shoot off to a slot machine and give it money to slurp up like a strand of spaghetti.  Feeding the slot machine makes me so anxious that I have to sprint to the bathroom.  Where does this anxiety come from?

My friends are sitting next to each other having fun on their machines while I’m frantically roaming the casino with my nineteen dollar voucher in hand searching for the perfect slot that makes my eyes twinkle and my insides glow.  Every machine seems to have this effect. 

I only have $19 left before the fun runs out.  $18……$15……$13…….$23 (I won)…..then ,$0

I’m starting to think that maybe I have a false sense of entitlement.  My brain is hard-wired to think that I should get back as  much as I put into any endeavor.  Going to the casino discourages this belief and gets me all frazzled.  Plus, I don’t like losing money.

Lets think about entitlement for a minute.  Let’s say you were born into  money and never had to lift a finger for any hard labor.  Are you entitled to that money or should you share it with the less fortunate?  Who’s more entitled to it?  What if you worked hard all your life and now find out you have to give half your savings to those who really need it.  Is the hard-working man more entitled to keep his money than the rich guy? 

Is entitlement just a farce?  Is it a brainwashing technique put upon us by the government to make us believe hard work brings about happiness? 

Lets pretend that we’re not entitled to anything.  All that’s left is probability.  Increasing your odd’s to end up ahead.  To end up happy.

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1 Comment

Filed under journal, Uncategorized

One response to “Entitlement

  1. my sister is an addict on Slot Machines, she always play any kind of game on the slot machine ,.;

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