I started journal writing when I was 12 or 13. Most of it is rehash. The same jargon written over and over again. But now and then I come upon a gem. When I stumble upon these gems, I’ll share them here with you.
December 12, 2004
I went to grand central and then to Calahans. I felt loved and adored the whole night. I stayed until close and got up at 9 am to work a double today. It was excruciating. I had to buy a new work shirt at walmart because mine was all dirty and some punk girl in the parking lot shouted out to me, “Nice outfit!” Out her car window. I had just worked a banquet and hadn’t taken off my bow tie. I ran around all day and didn’t seem to get anything done. I was the last one to leave, so I wiped down the silverware, folded 2 bins of napkins – I did all the stuff that everyone avoided the whole night out of the kindness of my heart. I was so beat! I didn’t even have to work tonight but Ralph needed me to. So now I’m laying in bed on my aching back.
A bunch of people want me to go to New York tomorrow. I must have been asked 20 times already and Mike called leaving a message to confirm tomorrow even tho I said yes a billion times. I have to go now. I have to meet at his house at 8 am. We’re taking the train so we can walk around in the cold all day.
December 20, 2004
I had a dream last night that I was a wizard and for some reason my fellow wizards deemed me to be the leader and protector of them all. I was scared and didn’t feel like much of a leader. When it came time to fight these two evil guys, I knew I had to do something. Everyone was rooting for me. I thought that all I had to do was close the doors on them to hold them off, I was terrified. The doors were piping hot and wouldn’t close all the way. The bad guys saw me, I turned around and started to run. And all I could think of was that my leadership only lasted a few hours until I died. How embarrassing.
But I survived and fought the evil men with these two witches like we were Charlies angels, but one witch died and it was just me and the pretty witch left who got all the men while I just sat there not saying a word.
There were some very good looking guys in my dream. I was so jealous of the pretty witch, even though I was a more powerful wizard. But the lack of attention made me want to be even more powerful.
January 5, 2005
(I was working as a waitress at the Yankee Silversmith. My boss was an 83-year-old perverted Italian man. This was what I wrote in my old journal):
I worked with Sarah and Chrissy tonight. I was extraordinarily tired for some reason, but we all were. Mr. Masite was extra strange and perverted.
Mr. Masite – “I think I’m a goin’ to go home and watch a movie.”
Me – “Oh yeah? What movie?”
“Well now if the wife’s asleep I’m a goin’ to watch an X rated.”
“Oh! Well good for you.”
“You know why?”
“Because it makes me horny.”
All I could do was stare dumbly at him. He was smiling big and it completely gave me the creeps.
Me – “Yeah well I’m sure it’s good for you.”
Him – “Yes it is.”
I felt completely weirded out. I still am.