I went to a massage therapy conference two years ago in Massachusetts. I was one of the last people to sign up, so naturally the best classes were already filled. I was stuck with ‘Woman’s self-massage.’ I was expecting to learn some useful tips on taking care of my body, I was NOT expecting to find myself in a class surrounded by topless older women rubbing their boobs for three hours.
The chairs were placed in a circle, with one chair up in front for the instructor whom I’ll refer to as Mrs. Nippler.
I was the first to arrive, and Mrs. Nippler greeted me by saying “Please have a seat, take your shoe’s off, make yourself comfortable. You don’t have to take your top off yet.”
She starts giggling and greet’s more people as they begin to file in. When the last chair was taken, Mrs. Nippler began the discussion.
“Today I’m going to teach you about the benefit’s of giving breast massage. I encourage you to even massage your client’s breast’s.”
“You have client’s that request breast massage?” Someone asks.
“Absolutely I do. They love it.”
She slowly and deliberately takes off her shirt and start’s massaging herself. She never wears a bra because they are supposedly bad for you. And so gravity taken its toll and caused her to have really long narrow boobs that dangled down just above her naval. I never seen boobs like that in my life, well maybe in National Geographic. Weasel snout just popped into my head. Two long snouts sniffing her belly button.
It looked painful when she massaged them, like she was squeezing way too hard.
‘What the fuuuuuuck?’ I stared at her in disbelief.
“Don’t be shy ladies, we’re all girl’s here.”
Everyone takes their shirt off. And since the chairs were all in a circle, I saw boob’s everywhere I looked.
I was 28 and the youngest person there. There were some very rotund women who couldn’t wait to take their top’s off. They did it so swiftly and expertly that I thought they had taken the class before.
I wanted to leave, but I wouldn’t have gotten any CEU’s (continuing education credit). Mrs. Nippler had to sign something at the end of class to prove that I been there.
So I stayed and hoped that maybe I’d learn some useful titbits, uh, tidbits.
I was the only one to keep on a shirt. I was the only one who seemed uncomfortable, actually. I felt myself up by going under my sweater. There was NO need to be topless.
Mrs. Nippler asked us to lay down on the floor. ‘Well this is better’ I thought, ‘at least now I can’t see anyone’s boob.’ Then Mrs. Nippler started walking around, looking down on us as she rubbed herself and said something like;
“I just love seeing a lot of women together massaging themselves, it makes me tingle.” Now these weren’t her exact words, but whatever she said made me look at her and say to myself; ‘what the fuck she say?’
She wanted us to massage our nipples to make them hard so we can improve those muscle’s. There was even a booklet with step by step instructions on how to do it. I kept the booklet because I wanted to show my friends back home.
Finally the break came. I grabbed all my stuff and head to my car. I try to start my car up, but it’s dead. I pop the hood and see all this pus and goo seeping out from the battery.
“Shit. Shit shit.”
I call my dad and he tell’s me to just wait a few hour’s and try it again. I was all the way in Massachusetts, so there wasn’t much of a choice. I go back into the class and sit down.
The class began again.
Mrs. Nippler show’s us her favorite toy. I forgot the name of it, but it’s a ball that I think is made out of jade. The ball is attached to a cord and that cord is attached to a weight. A heavy weight, like ten pounds, maybe more.
“You insert the ball into your vagina and lift the weight up. You hold it for as long as you can. I do about five minutes.”
She let’s the class pass this toy around from person to person. I cringe when it came around to me. She say’s it’s great for improving your sex life.
That’s about all I remember from the second half of the class.
Boob massage is illegal in CT. I don’t know the law in other state’s, but I like the law here.
So that’s my boob massage story, hope you enjoyed it. Oh, and my car started right up after the class, thank god.