I had a long day. I massaged 31 people starting at 8 am to 9 pm – I just got home. The house is empty, all the lights turned off as if no one was home since this afternoon. This never happens. I got scared something horrible happened and started shaking. I’m still shaking.
I called my mom’s cell phone and my dad answered.
Me – “Is everything okay? Where is everybody?”
Dad – “Your aunt had a mini-stroke. I don’t know what is going on over there.”
He sounded upset at me. My mom was in the background telling my dad to hang up the phone.
“Did I do something?”
My parents keep going away for days at a time to the cottage in Rhode Island and to Atlantic city, so they’re not home much these days. I’m not home either because I’ve been working so much.
The only thing they would be mad at me for is contacting my cousin and sending him that facebook message. I sent it when I was angry and not thinking straight, I knew it was mean, but I didn’t care. Now I’m scared it’s my fault for sending my aunt to the hospital. I’m scared I’m going to get kicked out of the house I lived in for 30 years.
I’m shaking. I’m starving but can’t eat. I’m so tired. I was having such a good day today – long, but good. Now I’m so scared I feel like throwing up.
I’m horrible, absolutely horrible. Now the whole world knows just how horrible I am.
They are on their way home now. I’m sitting here at my laptop in my bedroom, heart pounding. I don’t know what to do.
Breathe Melanie, just breathe.
This morning I had to take a semi-cold shower at 6:30 am. I had a long day ahead of me, so naturally I was not pleased – but I didn’t say anything. I kept my mouth shut and just went about my business, making my breakfast, watching Futurama.
They’re home. The front door just opened and I hear them coming up the stairs. Whew, my aunt is home. I feel like I should stay down here. My presence will create too much stress, which is ironic because I’m usually the one to melt stress away.
Steph just sent me a text telling me to come back to Minnesota. Good timing Steph!
When the tv is on, then I’ll go up. Right now everyone is still so quiet – walking around, doing stuff. Why isn’t anyone talking?
Okay, I just spoke to my dad. My worst fear came true. OCDC was on the phone with my cousin I sent the email to, and my cousin told OCDC what I wrote.
This is not a good thing. Another thing about OCDC is that he’s highly unstable. I seen him lose his temper on a few occasions. I’m seriously terrified he’s going to come after me – seriously.
My dad was calm and explained what happened, I explained my side of it and now dad is going to fix the lock on my bedroom door. He saw me shaking. Now I’m scared on a whole different level.
Today over lunch, Oriana told me that kohl’s is selling boots that would be good for my Xena costume. I was worried that they would sell out before I can buy them. That was my major concern today. Xena boots…..
I went from having all my clients loving me today, to come home to a family that can’t even look at me.
Is all this too personal to post? I’m sure it is. Screw it, I don’t have a soul in the world to talk to about this. I’m in this alone. At least I have my blog, right?
At least now maybe OCDC will leave. But life is never that simple for me.