I don’t understand why healthy, emotionally sane people attend church every week. I went tonight to try and understand.
I went with Holly and her younger brother who are both saints and church-goers themselves.
We file into a pew, and instead of listening to the sermon, I was fixated to a pre-teen boy sitting directly in front of me. He would blow his nose in a tissue and then examine the tissue. He would do this repeatedly with the same tissue. It was mesmerizing. And since I was sitting directly behind him, I was privy to see the contents of the tissue.
The choir was excellent, I’ll give them that. I got to belt out a few Christmas carols. It wasn’t before long that I was holding back tears. I was touched. Singing alongside my fellow Cheshire kinsfolk in a lively little church in my hometown touches me. How can I not cry? Everyone belting out christmas hymns, matching my enthusiasm, sharing the same love of the song – it’s really heartfelt, what more can I say?
I learned to control these tears by keeping my face as emotionally sterile as possible. It works.
Okay, so I understand that church is heartfelt and warming – essential to people going through crisis, but to go every week? It reminds me of AA, a constant reminder to stay on track.
I feel like I’m missing the essential components needed to attend church religiously, but I don’t know what those components are. Am I not saintly enough?
I can’t seem to commit myself to anything anyway, so why would church be any different?
I use to play World of Warcraft, but couldn’t fully commit to my guild and raiding for 6 hours a night. I can’t even be a proper geek.
Maybe I have attention deficit disorder. That’s why I couldn’t pay attention to the sermon, and why I can’t sit still and raid for 7 hours. That’s it! I have ADD! I can get myself medicated and then go to church and finally understand it.
I’m going to watch Ong-Bak the Thai warrior now. My brother recommended it to me. He know’s I like Kung Fu flicks.
I’m in a weird mood.