Dexter is still lingering in my psyche. I had a dream before waking up today that I was chasing after a criminal who tried to kill his entire family by cooking them plastic cupcakes. I was wearing a motorcycle helmet when I was chasing him, so the stuff that he threw at me bounced off my head.
After my dream, I got up to take a shower then I went upstairs to make some breakfast. My dad was there in the kitchen making himself a hotdog.
Me – You’re making a hotdog?
Dad – Yep, just one.
My mom was in the living room watching QVC.
Mom – Mel come here I want to show you something.
Me – But I have to make my eggs.
Mom – Just come here!
I go into the living room and my mom is there holding up some jewelery.
Mom – Do you think you would wear this necklace?
Me – Sure.
Mom – Okay, good. I bought it for you.
Then she holds up a bracelet.
Mom – Those Chinese guys and their magnets. This bracelet is a magnet and wraps all the way around like this. The guy asked me if I had a daughter that would like it. Do you like it?
Me – Yeah, it’s cool.
My mom gets suckered into buying anything from anyone. I have no idea where she met this chinese guy and his jewelery. I pictured her eating at a Chinese buffet and a salesman walking up to her table selling her stuff.
Mom – Do you know anyone who would want this barret?
Me – No mom.
Mom – How about this necklace? It’s meant for two people. You give the other half to your boyfriend.
One necklace had a heart on it, and the other necklace had a key. There was writing on it, but I didn’t read it.
Me – Give it to Fran and Melissa.
Mom – No, they wouldn’t wear it.
Me – I have to make my eggs.
I walk away toward the kitchen.
Me – Salespeople prey on the elderly.
Dad – Your mother buys everything. They try to sell her one, she buys ten.
I throw some eggs in a pan, stick toast in the toaster, slice up an orange and my mom comes limping into the kitchen holding up more jewelery.
Mom – Do you think Becky will like this? She won an award at college.
Me – Really? Good for her. Mom could you please stop buying all decaf coffee for the coffee maker.
We have a Kuerig and it uses little K-cups to make coffee. This is the tenth time I asked her to buy regular.
Mom – Okay.
My mom does not respect the personal space of others. She was standing so close to me watching me make coffee.
Mom – Use my instant coffee, it’s really good.
I put a scoop of instant coffee in the keurig coffee machine.
Mom – What are you doing?! It’s instant!
Me – What? So it doesn’t go in there?
Mom – No it doesn’t go in there, it goes in your coffee!
Me – You’re all up in my space, move over. I’ll just use dads coffee instead.
I opened up my dad’s coffee container and it spills everywhere.
Mom – Let me clean it up. I got it.
Me – Mom, I’m standing right here, let me do it. Let me brew my coffee.
I have to get ready for work, I can’t finish the post. I’m not sure where I was going with it anyway.
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