Too much thinky, not enough drinky

I woke up at 7:30 am today, watched one episode of True Blood and then lied in bed just thinking. 

I try to be as objective as I possibly can when looking at my life and asking questions like, “What the hell am I doing?”

I mean really, what the hell is it that I’m doing?  What makes me happy?  If I don’t want kids or some random Joe Schlub for a husband, then can I still find meaning and happiness?

Many people after they been drinking (both in movie’s and real life), always mention their kids in emotional tear-filled outbursts.

“I would be nothing without them.  Nothing!”  Sobbing uncontrollably, or glistening with sentimentality.

What do I have that makes me something?  What do I want to have?  I don’t think I want anything.

Well, I want to move out of my parents house.

I can usually spot miserable people.  The most miserable people out there try to hide their misery from others.  How is it that I can spot them?  They don’t even need to say one word before I know what they are.

Am I miserable?  Is that why I know it when I see it?  I don’t feel miserable, and I can’t stand hanging around miserable people.

If I were to tack a word to what I feel, it would be lonely.  It’s completely absurd for me to feel lonely because I have awesome friends that are always around, but still…..I just don’t get it.  Why lonely?  Even when I’m hanging out with awesome people, I still feel lonely.  Even while dating a hot guy who’s eyes are all on me, I can still feel desolate and solitary.

I’m honest and straightforward, I share my emotions openly and somewhat freely.  I’m as stable as they come as far as I can tell.  I don’t purposely isolate myself from others, I’m quite the opposite in fact.

Did I start a blog to  compensate for my lack in finding my soul counterpart in another (Wedding Crashers)?  Is my blog substitute for an unrealized person?

Maybe I’m not lonely, just bored.  I want a job I can look forward to, but massaging people honestly bores the heck out of me.

This loneliness is probably something everyone feels and I’m just embellishing in my selfish narrow-mindedness.  When I don’t think about it, the feeling is nearly imperceptible – I just like to indulge in a healthy dose of negativity sometimes.  I feel it helps in broadening my scope.

There’s a slim difference between being bored and being lonely.  As long as I fill my head with distractions, I’m safe from the emptiness.  What’s life without all the distractions anyway?

I think a lot – way too much.  I started this post yesterday, then stopped because I wanted to search for the perfect water bottle online.  I don’t drink a lot of water, so I figure that if I had a pretty water bottle, I would want to drink from it.  I found this.

KOR ONE Hydration Vessel: Special Edition – “United Nations of Water” Pink

After an hour of weighing the pro’s and con’s of buying a $35 water bottle that 21 people deemed too fragile for the money, I decided against it.  But it was a painstaking process, all for a water bottle.  This is my life.

Shit, I have to get my ass in work.

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Filed under random thoughts, Self help

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