The dog’s are driving me crazy with their barking and whining – crazy!
Now they’re being quiet. When they’re quiet, that means they found something to chew on and ruin. When they’re not ruining something, they bark like it’s the end of the world. Gunnar especially. Gunnar has an ear-peircing whine. He whine’s when I’m in the living room, on the toilet, in the kitchen. He whine’s when I’m standing right over him. I can’t take it. I can’t.
I wonder what he’s chewing on.
I am so cranky. If I see one more pop-up on my computer, I’m going to throw my laptop against the wall.
I’ve been eating garbage lately. I find my dinner at the gas station down the street, or the liquor/grocery mart that sells mac & cheese. My bro left me a case of beer, so I’ve been drinking that regularly. I swear, I can’t live by myself. I would be so unhealthy.
I would smoke pot right now if I had some. I want to smoke pot and suck down yoo-hoo’s.
I’m at Starbucks sipping on a venti (large) iced cafe mocha. I got it for free thanks for my gold card membership. Omg it’s heaven.
I’m away from the dogs and finally living back home. I feel a sense of calm even after massaging an old crotchety chinese man for two hours. He was deep tissue. I had to use my elbows to massage his feet – that’s how deep he wanted it.
To fill my head during the two hours, I imagined what I would say to him if he were to say something snooty to me.
Him – Where you learn massage, rolling burrito’s at taco bell? Ha ha ha.
Me – Hey listen little china-man I’m not afraid of you. If you were Jackie Chan or Bruce Lee, then yes I would be afraid, but of you? No way.
Him – I kick you ass!
Me – I’ll show you what I can do with that burrito little man.
This is the sort of stuff I think about during a massage.
Before I left for work this morning, I went on Verizonwireless.com to pay my bill – a quick three minutes of my day. I ended up buying the Iphone 4. I had absolutely no notion of buying the Iphone today, or anytime soon. But then I seen a video on youtube and I couldn’t resist.
Isn’t that cool? My phone can make popcorn, what can your’s do?
Next year my phone will be able to roast a pig. I can throw a pig roast at my house. People like those.
I can also drink beer on my phone.
Popcorn and beer, I can carry a bar in my pocket. A bar where everyone know’s my name.