Crazy me

I have approximately two voices in my head that I know of.  The first voice is me, asking myself a question, and the second voice is me also, answering.  I have a theory that my second voice is the basic framework version of myself.  Stripped down to its bare skeleton, free of wanton daily drivel – and it tells me what I need to know in order to survive.  She stays dormant in my head, only to come out when I’m in panick mode.  That’s when I lose the middle man and all logical reasoning.

Here’s a regular conversation between the voices in my head while driving to work today:

I was daydreaming and not paying much attention to where I was or where I was going.  I got to a part of the highway that had no signs or discernible landmarks, so naturally I wondered where I was.

First voice – “Where the hell am I?”

Second voice – “I don’t know.”

First voice – “How could I not know where I am?  Is this even possible?”

Second voice – “Yes It’s possible, you’ve done this before at this exact same spot.”

First voice – “How do you know it’s the exact same spot if you don’t know where it is?”

Second voice – “I know where this is.”

First voice – “So, did I miss my exit?”

Second voice – “You’re an idiot.”

The second voice is a bit brash, but tells it like it is.  Of course, I don’t take her seriously, nor do I unleash her out in public unaccompanied by alcohol.

Do I have any control over this second character in my head?  That’s a scary thought; if I can’t control her, wouldn’t that make her a separate entity?  A foreign invader that my first voice wishes to conquer and destroy?   

How can I control a second voice anyway?  I can barely control the first.

And which voice is more real?  Which one is more true to myself?  The one that does the thinking, or the one that criticises the thinking?

I can’t control the answers that come spewing out of the alcove between my ears, but I can control myself.   And because I can control myself, I can make rational decisions.  At least I hope.

What if there’s a third voice?  Wait a sec, let me listen……..

Hello?  Third voice?

Nope, nothing.  Maybe third voice is out shopping.  Or no, wait – this could be it.  My blog might be my third voice.

It’s a Saturday night and I’m watching Netflix alone in my room.  Well, not alone really.  I do have my laptop, and of course my second voice.  It’s practically a downright party.

First voice – “Yeah right it’s a party!  Let’s find some liquor!”

Second voice – “You’re in bed already half asleep.  You don’t need liquor.” 

First voice – “I know, I know, I was only kidding.”

Second voice – “Yeah, right.”

They act like an old married couple. 

 So……….What more can I say about that?  I don’t know.  I’m going to bed.

Second voice – “Good idea, you’re very tired.”

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4 Comments

Filed under All about me, random thoughts

4 responses to “Crazy me

  1. You should have hung out with Holly last night! She was alone drinking and watching tv!

  2. Holly

    Steph – I asked her and she didnt want to hang out. 😦 It was not even 9!

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