I’ve been told numerous times by different people that I’m an enigma. And they actually use that word – enigma. They say I’m mysterious and they don’t always know what I’m thinking or feeling. Even Dave thinks I’m an enigma.
Me: “Do you think I’m an enigma?”
(I don’t normally go around asking people this.)
Dave: “What’s that mean?”
Me: “It means puzzle. Like I’m an unknowable puzzle.”
He cocks his head to one side and says, “Yeah come to think of it you are a puzzle.”
It’s like he never thought about it before, but now he’s seeing it.
This baffles me and scares me. I mean, what am I missing? Am I missing something important? Something vital in our society that connects us all?
I’m super honest and care a lot for others, but on the flip side I come off as being aloof and uncaring towards people. I’m also narcissistic for writing a blog about myself, and sometimes feel that the world and everyone in it revolves around me. And because of all this, this lack of connection, this feeling of being separate from everyone, I feel as though I might be a sociopath. I was debating this for the past couple days until the great warrior Poet wrote me a message:
And no, you’re not a sociopath. Our society has wrongly painted people who don’t care about such trivial, selfish and egotistical things as having something wrong with them. That’s a definition created by cowards. Anytime you’re above the hate and don’t let it affect or influence your own peace and joy, you’re not a sociopath; you’re a master. Of your own emotions and reactions. That’s something to be respected.
I have to remember this!
There’s also proof I’m not a sociopath because I never once spit in anyone’s food while working in the food industry for 10 years. I have NEVER thought about it. Not even for the cruelest, most soulless people I waited on, I would never do it or THINK about doing it. That has to mean something, right? And the number one symptom of a sociopath is lying. Sociopaths lie without guilt or remorse. Sometime’s they lie for no apparent reason.
I don’t lie to people. I wrote to Heather that I didn’t know what she was talking about in her letter because I completely forgot that night at Blackstone kissing Dave. I haven’t responded to her because whatever I tell her would only be proof of Dave’s infidelity. She would read it back to him, he would curse me as a friend and him and Heather would still be together (Heather will never leave Dave) so the letter would accomplish nothing but authenticate that I’m a shitty, backstabbing friend. And why? Because I’m honest and hate lying. I just can’t do it.
Okay, so I’m not a sociopath, but I still have that lack of connection with people. What is it this lack? It drive’s me crazy. It makes me feel isolated and alone. Don’t people know that when they tell me I’m a puzzle?
I have to get back to work.
- Can someone become a sociopath later in life (wiki.answers.com)
- Sociopath – are you one? (insideasanemind.com)
- Understanding & Recognizing Sociopathy (“Confronting Elder Abuse”) (larkkirkwood.wordpress.com)
- Can a sociopathic be a kidnapper (wiki.answers.com)
- The Sociopathic “Pack” Mentality! (looking4trth.wordpress.com)
- Why would a woman tolerate a sociopath (wiki.answers.com)
- What to do if your husband is a sociopath (wiki.answers.com)
- Disarming the Sociopath! (looking4trth.wordpress.com)
- Corporate Sociopathy (edreiter.wordpress.com)
- Sociopathic Tendancies (listeningishard.wordpress.com)
- The Enigma of Capital Named… (slog.thestranger.com)
- Enigma (earlmguevarra.wordpress.com)
- [AUDIO] Melvitto remakes “Dami Duro” & “Enigma” [Up ‘n’ Down] (djaysean.wordpress.com)
- The Autism Enigma: The Bacterial Theory of Autism (autisminnb.blogspot.com)
- Eh hem… let me try to clarify something… (sociologicalobservationsofabsurdity.wordpress.com)
- The Enigma of Early-Onset Dementia (everydayhealth.com)