I had a bad dream last night. I don’t remember what it was, but I “woke” myself up to clear my head and reset it for a better dream to infiltrate. Only, I didn’t actually wake up. I was still asleep in my bed dreaming I was awake.
“I wonder what it would feel like if I had someone to hold me right now.”
As soon as I thought it, I felt someone’s presence next to me. I felt pressure from their body next to mine. My hypnagogic head assumed it was Dave, my ex-boyfriend, whom I don’t think of romantically anymore, but just feeling he was there next to me, holding me – it felt wonderful.
“Ahhhh, that’s better.”
“Um, no. Wait a tick. Aren’t I home? Alone in my bed? Shit. I’m dreaming. But it feels so real!”
I laid there not moving for a while. Assessing the realness of the situation. The pressure from his body spooning mine – I wondered what could be creating it? My excessive amount of blankets? A lopsided pillow? Then I felt movement from this non-existent entity. I felt them put their arm on my shoulder.
“Holy fuck! This is incredible!”
That was my limit before getting spooked. I had to wake up for real.
“Eye’s open! Eye’s open!”
I thought I opened them, but I still saw complete darkness. I remembered I was sleeping with my eye mask on. Without bothering to pull it off my face, I reached up to turn on the little lamp next to my bed. I reach up, fumble with the switch and turn it on. Still darkness. Then I feel my body still laying in bed – I have not turned the lamp on. I’m still in the hypnagogic state!
“Whoever’s playing these games on me – NOT cool.”
Finally I managed to pry my eyelids open. They felt so heavy. Once they were open for real, I knew for sure I was awake. I turned on my little lamp beside me and the tv. I watched QVC (one of three channels I get in my room), and renewed my hate for the salespeople on that show and the dreadfully cheap products aimed at old retired folks wanting to spend their money until their time (and the products time) was up.
I turned the volume down and fell back to sleep within minutes and dreamt I was singing in front of my friends. I mean I was singing beautifully for them. Everyone hushed up to listen and was so amazed at my abilities – I was amazed too. Then my alarm – BAH BAH BAH – woke me up for work. And here I am.
I vaped an exorbitant amount of nicotine last night. Usually I vape the zero milligrams, but sprang for the twelve to quell my fix. Bad idea I guess.
My internet and phones just shut off. WTF? I can’t publish this post goddamnit.
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