Stuck

LONG BEACH, CA - OCTOBER 25: Tony Robbins spea...

LONG BEACH, CA – OCTOBER 25: Tony Robbins speaks during the Maria Shriver Women’s Conference at the Long Beach Convention Center on October 25, 2010 in Long Beach, California. (Image credit: Getty Images via @daylife)

A few posts ago I mentioned that I massaged an asian couple who are both successful real estate investors.  Yesterday I massaged the husband again, and WOW is all I can say.

When I first met him, I liked him immediately.  He was always kind and smiling – just really happy and appreciative of the work I did on him.  But besides that, I haven’t pegged him for being someone of brilliance.  This guy is down right amazing!

During yesterdays session, it was the first time we really talked.  And what I learned from him can fill a book.

He told me how the government is corrupted in a way where the rich have power. The president has little to do with who the actual ring-leaders are.  The only reason why people don’t realize we’re going through a great depression is because the banks are printing more bills than ever before – banks own the federal reserve, not the government.  It’s a separate, privately owned operation.  The people hired to oversee the federal reserve (FDA people) are hired by the banks.  When things get dicey, they print more money.  The value of a dollar goes down and taxes stay the same.  Gas stations know the value of money is going down, so to balance their valued commodity, they raise the price to stay equivalent to its value.  It has little to do with an oil shortage.  The government only wants you to believe that to hide whats really happening.  If people knew our money was losing value, hell will break loose.

One percent of the US population controls the country, and it’s the people with money.

He was talking so fast and excitedly, his Chinese accent slipping in some places.

Client – “And this is all fact.  It’s on display for everyone to see, but no one wants to see it.  It’s like they’re unable to.  Or don’t care.”

Client – “Everyone’s worried about not having enough, but all I see around me is abundance.  There’s so much to see, so much to learn, so many people to meet.”

Client – “You have a choice to make.  Do you want to be in the 1% crowd, or the 99%?  You have a choice.  It’s only a mind set.  You don’t need money to make money in real estate.  You only need education, tips and a mentor.  But don’t wait too long gathering information.  Action is needed to see results.”

Client – “I call it a game.  Making money is a game and it’s very fun.  I’m watching my empire grow and I can retire in a few years.  My wife is already retired.”

The guy is a pharmacist and only a few years older than I am.  His wife looks to be about my age.  She was in Pennsylvania buying up houses while I massaged him.

Client – “It’s good you started your own business.  That’s a great first step.”

He’s getting me so excited – really excited.  His wife got me excited too.

Me talking to his wife – “My new goal in life is to be rich.”

She smiled big and gave me a hug.

I went home last night after massaging him ($85, a new mentor and inspiring advice for just one hour of work?  Not bad) and meditated on prepping my mind for success.

I popped in a Tony Robins CD.  I bought his CD’s while I was working at Cheshire Convalescent home as a dietary aide.  I think I was 19.  I listened to all the CD’s after buying them because quite honestly they are brilliant.  They had an impact on me.  And because of those CD’s, I was motivated into becoming a young realtor.  But I gave it up after having to deal with my lunatic aunt looking to buy a house.  So instead I became a lush working at a banquet facility.

I’m starting to listen to the CD’s again.  I wonder what they will bring me this time?

My goal last night was to make a vision board – it’s sort of a wish list of all that I want to accomplish, own or be.  And to also clean out my closet, and finally pick out a little girl or boy to sponsor.  I had lots to do.  I felt super creative and calm – complete absence of anxiety.  But then an old friend from high school called.  Now, I haven’t seen this guy in years.  We used to be great friends, but life happened and we drifted apart.  He was always depressed – always.  I let him go because of it.

So I put off doing everything on my list, went to the package store and picked up a six pack to take over to his place.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this bad off.  He’s in a bad place – emotionally, physically and spiritually.  He lives upstairs from a deli and his apartment is a wreck.  There were junk tv’s laying around everywhere that he found on the side of the road.

Him – “People don’t want them anymore because they bought flat screens.  I picked them up just in case my tv went.”

Me – “Good idea.”

His old tv was broken and sat on the couch with its dark screen reflecting me.

There’s a cockroach infestation in his building and instead of paying for an exterminator, the landlord rented industrial strength heaters to boil the roaches.  So his apartment became scorched.  The carpet caught on fire, the ceiling melted and dripped down his wall and onto his stove, the smoke detector was dangling from it’s wires in one melted clump in the shape of a deformed fist.

“You have to get out of here.  Your landlord’s an idiot.”

He has very few possessions.  No computer, no car, his mother stopped over earlier to drop off McDonalds for dinner.  He works out of a temp agency that hires people for minimum wage work – but the temp agency gets a cut!

And this poor guys tries!  He really tries, at least I think he does.  He just can’t get a break.  He only has his mother to help him.  His dad is an asshole that left them 20 years ago to start a new family.

I don’t know how he got in this situation.  He made very bad decisions.

I’m so glad my blog is private!

He’s painting the apartment to brighten it up a bit.

“You should’ve seen it before I got here.  It was a real mess.”

It’s still a mess.

The question that I’m faced with is, do I help the guy?  Do I loan him a few hundred for a new car or just let him figure things out on his own?  He’s not asking for hand-outs or charity.  He’s like a void of despair.  I don’t want to keep trying to “save” him, while my own finances aren’t that stable.  And who am I?  What gives me the right to own over him and tell him what to do?

Me – “I’ll help you buy a car, we’ll search for one together.  But you have to get a real job.  You can’t stay at a grocery store stocking shelves.  If you want my help, that’s what you’ll have to do.”

I didn’t actually say this, but was thinking it.  If he buys a clunker, it will no doubt break down.  So even if I do loan him money, he’ll just keep doing what he’s doing, not getting ahead, falling behind on rent, car breaks down – no pay back for Mel, no improvement.  And we’re at square one again.  It’s a trap – I’ll get hooked into a trap.  Plus the cost of insurance, gas, registration for the car – forget it, he can’t afford all that.  He’s stuck.  Completely stuck.  But he’s not doing anything about it!  Why can’t he swallow his pride, move back into Momma’s house and save a little each week for a decent car?  That sounds like the best feasible option. He’s lucky to have his mother.

He has too much pride.  Whereas, I have none.  I have no pride and I’m happy.  I was all rays and sunshine around him, and he was deadpan poker faced.  When I finally made him laugh, it lifted my heart and we forgot where we were for a few hours.  We were sitting on his bed watching movies and drinking beer just like old times.

Who am I to tell him what to do?  It’s his life and he wouldn’t want to hear me telling him to move back home.  This is why I stopped talking to him.  He makes me feel stuck.

The sad part is, he’s a smart, good guy.  He has potential for great things – a good head on his shoulders.  But he sabotages everything.  Even friendships.

So, I don’t know….

My client didn’t show up damn it.  I called and left a message.  I don’t mind anyway, I have four more coming in.  I’m so tired.  I’m wishing I didn’t drink last night.  I was doing so good.  Guess how many beers I had?  5!  I drank 5 beers.  I brought a six pack over with the intentions of us having three each.  I could visit for a few hours and get home at a reasonable hour, but no.  I had 5 of those beers because my host knew I would leave if there was no more beer.  I have no self control.  I was having so much fun in that shitty apartment that I didn’t want to leave.

I left his place at 12:30, went home and blogged.  I blogged!  I rambled on and on about ayahuasca again.  Don’t worry, I’m keeping that post as a draft.  I went to sleep at maybe 1:30 or 2am, I can’t remember.  I’m so tired today.  I woke up exhausted and got my period.  Don’t you hate it when you wake up 20 minutes before your alarm clock just so you can use the bathroom?  And now, having my period, I’m extra tired, always hungry and thirsty and feeling like I have to pee every 5 minutes.

I forgot to bring an extra tampon.

My awakening told me that giving is everything and to be strong for others in need.  I understand the weighted energy involving myself with a  guy like this – I can get sucked in.  But I don’t want to be so arrogant by telling him what to do.  To receive my help, a person must be willing to help themselves.  I can tell him how to help himself, but who am I to say?

Being strong for others and giving, does not automatically make you everyone’s best friend.  It can cause confrontation.  Growth is suffering and purging your old habits.  It’s painful and can be humiliating.  It’s always painful when realizing something is wrong with you that needs fixing.  Denial is powerful and blinding.  Lucky for me, I always think something is a little wonky with me.  That’s why I write – to rid the wonks.

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