Hi I’m Melanie and I’m walking the path of awakening. It ain’t easy. It involves confronting my truest intensions and facing my deepest fears. This is a process that I have to stay diligently aware of. This can be done by reflecting on my actions.
When you embrace your dark side, you accept yourself AS IS. To know your dark side, it transforms itself into light. Love, acceptance and compassion for yourself arrises. Any negative thoughts left-over should be processed and accepted – not fought. The ego merges with the soul and it’s all done through self-compassion.
Layers of understanding start to unfold. You can find the answers inside because you are part of the infinite. When you’re ready for a new layer, it will be shown to you. You feel a shift in perception and in seeing truth. It may not always be the truth you were hoping for, but a truth that sets you free. Know your hopes, and you know your fears.
Empty your beliefs to see truth – no one can tell you what’s true. You have to get there on your own. Memorizing the advice of Guru’s is not the way.
If you are unhappy with your life, you become stagnant. Your soul becomes shrouded in a hard-shelled rigor mortis box. Debris collects on your superficial surface to try and mask whats inside. Your fears hold you back and your comfort zone becomes a crypt.
I feel at this time in my progression, the small negative thoughts are barely noticeable. But I still have fear. I fear my own limitations as a functioning adult. I don’t have enough experience with being an adult, and so I fear it. My fear holds me in my comfort zone of security. Tethering myself to video games, beer and my parents.
A new layer into my awakening is just around the corner. I feel that the only way to break free from my parents is to be honest with them. Any form of lying is in truth, a hidden fear in the liar. The liar can not let go (or confront) something, and so must lie in order to protect it. I’m protecting my comfort zone of being a non-adult.
I lie to myself by saying “it would kill them if they knew the truth. It would hurt them…etc.” It would hurt them because they also need to let go. Letting go feels like dying. Like a part of you is breaking off – a shard from your soul becomes tethered to another. You can see where you’re tethered if you’re able to see your lies.
The lie protects the person lying, not the one being lied to. There is no progress in lies, only anger, confusion and darkness. When you’re working out negative thoughts, I’m certain there is a lie being told to yourself that you’re not seeing. But guess what? It doesn’t matter! Once you see the lie, you come to find out that Holy Crap no, it truly does not matter. It can then be released into the ether.
I can say with forthright conviction that everything I write here in my blog is the authentic truth of a girl piecing the pie together. I lie to my parents, and I know it’s wrong in many ways, but I’m not there yet – but I’m close! I get closer and closer to telling them the full truth and they are getting closer and closer to accepting it. My mother today told me that she feels herself accepting my freedom to own my own life. It has to happen at her own pace, and I keep pushing her forward.
My parents know everything I’m doing in Spain except for the fact I’m doing it alone. They also don’t know about the peyote ceremony. They’re just not ready, and neither am I.
How odd it is to see all this happening. My awakening is my therapist. It’s different for everyone, but this is my personal journey with it. The familiarity of these insights are all congruent with others walking the path.
Everyone’s running from something. This world is shaped by fear, people are fundamentally shaped by fear. I want to embrace it (within reason). I want to confront it.
Every emotion we have, every thought we make, is a choice. I choose my suffering – I don’t hide from it. I’m not running anymore. And from where I’m standing, my strength outweighs my fear and my love for myself makes me shine through any heartache.