I understand Karma and it’s not as simple as you may think. Well, it IS simple, but the way we learn it is far different from what it actually is. We understand the simple definition of karma which is that by doing good, good things happen. But that’s just the tip, and nobody likes just the tip of anything. If people knew what’s really going on behind the curtain, life gets a hell of a lot more interesting!
I’ll try to explain it as simply as I can for my sake, not yours. Complicated crap never sticks in my brain.
Doing good deeds solely for the prospect of being rewarded is not how karma works. If you do good only to gain respect and admiration from people, that is the false illusion of ego, not the transcendent ways of karma.
When I was in the spirit realm with ayahuasca, she told me that we are all here to evolve. We are here to grow and strengthen. There’s no other purpose other than that.
Me – “No other purpose?”
Aya – “No other purpose.”
Me – “But why?”
Aya – “To be strong for others on their journey.”
Me – “But why?”
Aya – “We can only evolve together.”
Me – “But why evolve? What for?”
Aya – “……”
I was starting to piss her off.
This is a karma-based universe. All laws of physics are born and reproduced using karma’s universal law that guides us towards God. We are pre-programed in our souls DNA to reach the heights of our higher being. The more curious we are, the more answers we seek, all the more sooner we reach our collective destination. But we have to do it together. There is no other way because we are in essence, an integral part in shaping the realities of those around us. Our worlds collide and our perspectives can either clash, maintain, or evolve into a fruitful understanding of each other and seeing the true face of existence.
Cultivating compassion-driven relationships with the common goal of having a win-win friendship, aligns your soul with good karma. When one person dominates, it becomes win-lose. Where there is judgement, there is blame and anger – absence of compassion. To have unconditional love for others is what aligns your soul towards reaching a higher conscious state.
Actually, there is no such thing as good or bad karma, karma is only karma. If things go bad, it’s merely a push, a reminder for you to get back on path. If the bad karma persists, it means you have not learned your lesson yet. What you resist persists and the universe wishes to teach and strengthen. It will keep pushing and pushing, digging you deeper and deeper until the turning point of release – relinquishing you of all control and fear.
Karma tries to teach you to release the things that don’t matter. Releasing the fear-bound needs of the ego. It does so by using emotions. The stronger the emotion, the more you need to let it go. Enjoy happiness when it comes your way, but that too needs to be released. But you can only release it with knowledge. Humbly learning and admitting to your fears and weaknesses, not trying to control anything, or hold onto things. Learning your deepest intensions is the best medicine for curing any negative karma.
Self awareness is key.
The deeper you go into awareness, the more of the world you see. You take the blinders off and start seeing the real miracle of us being here. You appreciate merely existing.
Anyway, I need to figure something out here and the best way to do that is by writing about it. I feel like my eyes are open, but my physical self is holding on too tight. Hinduism believes that undergoing a pilgrimage cleanses the soul and allows in good karma. It’s like a walking confessional. Each step you take gets you closer to liberation, closer to your primal, universal soul.
I feel I’m so close, only inches away from everything. My life is formless, it’s a vapor of evolution. What I want it to be, whatever I want it to represent – I can manifest. I only have to believe. I have to believe in myself.
Karma has a way of telling me that I don’t think much of myself. That I don’t have a whole lotta self esteem or confidence. That’s partly why I allowed in emotional abuse and why I stayed so long in crummy jobs.
There was this one job I had at Lavender Fields day spa where I was paid $10 an hour to give massages and when I wasn’t giving massages, I cleaned the bathrooms, made phone calls and sent out mailings. All for ten stinking dollars an hour – before taxes! The owner was a bizarre woman on top of everything else. She tried being funny by being vulgar.
Her – “It smells like rotten vagina in here!”
Me – “…….”
She is no Sarah Silverman. Sarah Silverman isn’t even Sarah Silverman all the time.
I worked there out of fear. Fear of not having a job – any job. And so I settled for shit. I settled for shit because that’s what I thought I was worth.
Finally I put in my two weeks, and started work at Massage Envy for $15 an hour. $15 an hour is still shit, but everybody was super nice and I was comfortable there. Plus it was the birth place of my blog.
I stayed there and sunk into my laziness and contented self. My addictions and going out with friends depressed my creativity and spiritual growth. I knew I couldn’t stay there forever. Nothing was happening, I wasn’t progressing. I gotten lazy and became lost in knowing what to do next. I was going to go back to school, but K begged me to go to Nepal with her. So I put off school and went to Nepal. I went there to seek answers, maybe find my path. I sought answers, and those answers came in the form I was not expecting. Those answers wanted me to change my beliefs, change my entire perception of myself and people. The answers wanted me to change my life.
It’s so strange looking back on everything. Like it was slowly snowballing. My whole life was snowballing into a climax. I climaxed on the threshold of pain, of not seeing reality, of feeling like I was nothing to nobody. Every day I built my house of cards that collapsed on the slightest tremble. And I was trembling.
Beer made it possible for me to keep rebuilding my house of cards. Beer made it easier to deal with everything collapsing over and over again.
Now there’s nothing to collapse. It’s not an absence of anything – it’s more like having an acceptance of the things I can’t control. The deck of cards represented my beliefs – my limiting beliefs in thinking that my answers and salvation are only to be found from an outside source. I built my house in order for others to see my potential and swoop in to rescue me. I was not a whole person yet. I didn’t believe in myself.
Life is truly amazing once you start seeing the patterns. And once you see the patterns, you can see where you need to change. You can see what limiting beliefs you have to let go of. The problem with all that is that people are too lazy to change. They get stuck in a routine, becoming animatron drift woods of habit. Finding solace in addictions and finding their worth in the eyes of others. Their lives have no fundamental equilibrium. No ground, no real safety – only the facade of safety. No matter how hard they try, they can’t recreate their carefree days of childhood.
Everyone is so scared to trust themselves. That’s what my karma is trying to teach me. To be confident and have faith in myself.
Me – “But wouldn’t that just make me a stubborn asshole that refuses to listen to other people? Isn’t that what I want to avoid?”
Karma – “You will not become a stubborn asshole as long as you remain compassionate.”
Me – “But wouldn’t that just make me a patronizing pedantic asshole that pities people who aren’t as “evolved” as myself?”
Karma – “Stay humble and compassionate. Don’t talk too wise or think you know it all because honey, no matter how smart you think you are, you still don’t know shit.”
Karma will always find a way to humble you, and it will always find a way to show you your strength. If you seek change and answers – the universe will provide it by handing you your customized learning experience. But you have a choice. There is always a choice. Do you want change? Are you brave enough to seek truth? Do you really want to know your demons?
Once you’re out there living, getting your hands dirty and pushing your faith in God – the world opens up and things begin to loosen and fall. You fall apart completely and wholly. Are you ready for that to happen? Are you ready to face a catastrophe?
The more stuck you are, the more emotionally dammed up you feel – the bigger the catastrophic event. It needs to happen. Like tension building on an elastic. And it will keep happening until you are truly free. But you have a choice….
So in a nutshell, that’s my take on karma. For me personally, I’m starting to live by it whether it be fact or fiction. It brings a new perspective on life and why things happen the way they do – and by seeing everything as a grand learning experience, makes life (to me) absolutely amazing.
Keep asking yourself why. Why to everything. Why do I feel this way? Why am I doing this or why am I not doing that? Why is this happening? It’s happening for a reason and it’s always for your benefit – always!
I didn’t exactly make all this up. When you make something up, there’s no substance or belief behind it. If an author decides to write a book without any feeling put into it, or a shred of truth involving our fallible human ways – the book will suck.
But this is one of those occurrences where I feel it. It’s again, pulling from the channel that ayahuasca opened in me.
Being compassionate towards others brings them joy, believing in yourself brings you joy. This is the way of karma, the universal way of finding God.
There’s this thing called the Higgs Boson. It can be both a particle and a wave which has always baffled me and still continues to baffle me – but I won’t get into that. The Higgs is a theoretical energy field that permeates everything including the vaccuum of space. It’s what gives particles their mass (energy). It basically brings everything into existence. Many physicists call it the God particle, and many others say “It’s not God! It’s just another damn particle that happens to tie everything together and explain once and for all why and how we exist – but it’s not God!”
I hate to ramble, but I just want to point out that when physicists look for a particle, they find it – like it intentionally pops into existence just for them – just by the weight of their thoughts. As long as they have the right tools to detect it, they find it. This Higgs field, in theory, connects EVERYTHING in the universe. There is no gap between space. It’s the field where prayers are heard and answered. It’s the immaculate design of existence.
I agree with the scientists who say it’s only another particle yet to be discovered. Just a tool, another building block to get closer to understanding. Thats all true, but like with anything – this particle can be whatever you want it to be. Just the same as a blade of grass is proof enough that life is a miracle, or it can just be another blade of grass with its existence being rather common and explanatory. The only dividing factor is, do you feel numb to this spectacular show? Or does everything deeply touch and move you? I choose to be touched. I choose to feel.
What gives grass its life? The atoms and the particles, the energy from the sun. What gives those particles their energy? We don’t know, but for some reason, it’s not considered a miracle because everything we see can be explained with science.
It’s so funny to watch these scientists go deeper and deeper into understanding, and the deeper they go, the more curious and passionate they become. It’s not just about seeking answers, but finding out the true nature of existence – we are so close! And the scientists feel it, they know something is looming over the horizon.
Many scientists believe that the Higg’s has to exist. They even use it in the standard model equation that can precisely calculate anything in the universe other than gravity. It can tell you why the sky’s blue, or why our DNA is shaped the way it is – all can all be explained with this equation. And it uses the God particle to fill in the missing blanks. The God particle that does not go against the Newtonian laws of energy that states it cannot be created or destroyed.
This stuff is cool isn’t it? Come on now, I’m an undereducated massage therapist who admits she has her failings. I may not be able to understand the exact science of it all, but the simple idea of it – the simplicity is there and I understand that. Can’t I marvel at the possibility that yes, we are all gods, all creators of the universe that just recently found our paintbrush – we found our medium that coalesces our souls into interstellar oneness. Can’t I have fun with that idea without sounding like a bible thumping, narrow-minded, unilluminated believer of fantasy?
I’ll end this post by explaining to you how a particle can also be a wave. When particles are in wave form, essentially they are smudged in a non-local dimension of possibilities. They take on the shape of particles only when they are being watched by the human eye. The person looking at it brings it into existence and localizes it, unsmudging the possibilities.
And this isn’t science fiction, it’s fact!
Anyway, that’s a hell of a lot to think about. What’s the point of thinking about any of this? I like to think it makes us lucid. More able to shape our lives. It also puts us in a place where we can understand the great philosophers and poets. We become awake as they are. We become as creative as they are.
I have an unnerving amount of clients for the next 14 days. I’m averaging over 6 hours of massage a day. No time for anything except work. I love my job, but hate it when it’s on this high of a caliber. It has taken me at least 5 days writing this post. I can only do it five minutes at a time in-between clients.
My entries may be spaced out and sparse until March 6, when my groupons expire.