Tag Archives: Peyote

A brief history lesson

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This is an example of a serendipitous occurrence.  I had no previous knowledge that a peyote ceremony had anything to do with readying my soul for transition or a long journey.  It just sort of happened without my knowledge.

It goes to show that the universe is on my side so long as I’m willing to listen and let it guide.  To trust it basically.  I HAVE to trust it.

I’m a believer in ancient rituals involving spiritual enhancement.  This Indian ceremony that I’m going to, is real.  The universe know’s that it’s real – and that’s why I’m being led there.  You don’t need to know why or how it’s important, just know that it’s happening for a reason.

I leave in four days.  On Miercoles, Wednesday.  The day that celebrates Mercury, the patron saint of travelers (amongst other things).  The reason why it’s placed in the middle of the work week is said to convey the message of  “getting over the hump” as in, “Yay we made it over the hump and it’s easy going from here.”

It’s all easy going after Wednesday.  It’s the anticipation that kills me.

Sitting in work is killing me.  It’s so hard being here right now.  I need some Echkhart Tolle.

In-between clients today, I went and picked up a large suitcase from K’s house.  I asked to borrow it.  After having gone through everything that we went through, I wonder if I’m being one of those girls who has “some nerve” in asking.

“Pfff, Melanie’s got some nerve……”

I don’t know where the line is or even if there is a line.  I’m bad at taking hints.  A person can go years without talking to me and I would still think that everything’s hunky dory.  A person has to literally slam the door on me in order for me to “get it”.  And the last time I saw K, it seemed like everything was ok, so…..

If I’m wrong and everything is still shit, it would take yet another door slam for me to get it – although I won’t get it, I never did get it, and at this point it’s highly unlikely that I ever will get it.

Kristie for instance, had to slam the door.  Matt hung up on me, the Haters made me cry on numerous occasions and Amy verbally assaulted me.  That’s what it takes to have me “getting it.”

Why is this?

I’m so awkwardly sentimental.  I cry at family gatherings when someone taps a wine glass and raises it for a toast.  I get sentimental when people are united.  It’s my sentimental side I cry for.  I cry when that unity is gone.

Not being able to see what’s really happening is like having a wash over my eyes.  It catches me by surprise every time.

I used to think that everyone had my best interests at heart.  I always thought I was being looked after and cared for.  This was my innocent side – the side people saw as naive or stupid.

Unfortunately, my spiritual journey has taken me to a place where I see truth.  The truth that not only do people not have my best interests at heart, but they care for and see only themselves.

I was an innocent sentimental sap.  Dependent on the care and consideration of others.  I trusted them more than I trusted my own knowledge.  I trusted their word over my own.

This knowledge hasn’t hardened me like you would think.  Hardening happens to those who don’t see the light.  No, instead I became wiser.  I’m wiser, but my patience for those who are in the dark has shortened.  Both my patience and my interest in them are gone.  It feels like I’m stepping into the danger zone of getting ruthlessly attacked for no reason other than it makes the other person feel better.

And so I have her suitcase.  Do I have “some nerve”?  I don’t know and I don’t care.  All I know is that I need a suitcase.  If it’s not okay, she has to take the initiative by saying “fuck you Melanie” and slamming the door because otherwise, I won’t get it.

I’ll never get it.

                                 *********************

Okay, I just got home from hanging out with guy friends from high school.

This would be the time where I get all sentimental and innocent by thinking that we have deep roots, so these guys have my best interests at heart (like brothers).

Call me crazy, but why do guys seem more sane than girls?  Guys are still nuts, don’t get me wrong, but I clearly connect better with them.  Or maybe it’s the whole male / female attraction thing taking place?  Maybe I’m genetically inclined to connect better with the male populace?  No.  No, that’s not it at all.  Men aren’t as catty.  They are dogs and I happen to be a dog person.

Men lie in the way of making them look better while women lie in the way of making them feel superior.

Women always lacked power, so we are genetically inclined to seek it – manipulating others for it.  It works, but really it’s all just a game of cat and mouse.  Tom and Jerry to be more precise.  Brains over brawn.

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Melanie Falls, But in a Funny Way I’m Sure

There They Go-Go-Go!

There They Go-Go-Go! (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Oh num she body oh num she body oh num she body.

I can’t get out of bed.  The stress of my upcoming trip, work, going out, hiking – everything has taken its toll on your poor ol’ pal Mel.

Today is April 24.  That leaves me with 18 more days until I’m on a plane searching for my spirit animal and running around the desert high on peyote thinking I’m a coyote .  And since my visuals tend to be that of a cartoonish variety (judging from a fever induced hallucination I had as a kid), I’ll no doubt turn into Wile E Coyote falling off a cliff.

Aside from my peyote adventures, in 24 days I’ll be walking the entire width of Spain with nothing but the clothes on my back and the boots on my feet.

Today as I lay here in bed completely exhausted while looking at the path that lies ahead, I turn into that turban dude from Indiana Jones getting his heart ripped out.

If I feel completely annihilated now, what’s to come of me on day 5 of my pilgrimage?

This isn’t me.  I’m not an adventurer although I always wanted to be, always pretended to be.  I’m just a plain girl from CT.  I’m a little bit poor, a little bit rich – a little redneck and a little bookish.  My friends are all straight-edged for the most part.  All of them going by the book, going through the stages and emotions of getting older.  Finding their places and comforts.  I have all that I’ll ever need right here at home, but it’s not enough – it was never enough.

Hence my blog, hence the reason for having 30 plus jobs over the years, hence the reason for breaking free and starting my own business.  I just want to be free from the circumstances that shape my life.  And by breaking free, I create my own set of circumstances.

So in 18 days my three-year-old blog of written words may turn into a video diary mainly because I won’t have the strength or resources to write.  I’m not sure how I feel about that.  I hide behind the written word, but I can’t hide behind a camera in my face.

The reason why I write is that it brings meaning to my life.  I can handle anything because I write – all experiences are never for nothing.  My life is the thing that’s most precious to me, so I want to capture it.

And I’m taking you with me.

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Peyote Anyone?

Desert

Desert (Photo credit: Moyan_Brenn)

After writing that last post, I popped over to FaceBook to check my messages and saw that one of my good friends from the Colombian retreat asked me to go to Arizona to partake in a Peyote ceremony.

“Um……YES!”

It’s an invitation only ceremony which means that you have to actually know someone in order to get invited.  I’m not sure of its legality, so I’m not posting any names, faces, or locations.

They sent me a very professional PDF brochure describing the event details and a list of bio’s describing the people who’ll be attending and my lord I got goosebumps – not even joking – GOOSEBUMPS!

It sounds amazing.  Absolutely amazing to say the least.  We’ll be camping out under the stars next to an oasis in the desert.  Being fed organic food, listening to a DJ and a spoken word beat poetry man amongst the mishmash of amazing people who’ll be attending.  Hot springs, a medicine man that will pass out peyote buttons while we watch the sunrise over the desert horizon.  Partaking in a traditional ceremony by the Aztec indian church of Quetzalcoati Teocali.

I mean WOW!  Holy crap wow YES I will go!

It costs a mere $333 for three nights, but the plane ticket will cost me $500.

Me thinking – “Just when I start getting ahead of the game, I have to go ahead and do something crazy like this now don’t I?”

Okay now get this, listen carefully.  Being a girl walking the path of her spiritual awakening, this path involves following my bliss.  Following my heart and my passions.  It has led me to opening up my own business (which is flourishing) , it has taken me to Colombia where I was first awakened, it’s taking me on my first Camino adventure, and now this – sleeping under the stars in the desert surrounded by my much loved ayahuasca friends.  These are the same people whom I experienced ayahuasca with.

My Spiritual journey is out-weighing all of my preconceived notions of awesomeness.  Everything easily sliding into place.  This happens due to synchronicity.

When you are not lucid in this world, the synchronicity of karma places you in harrowing ordeals until you “break thru” to understanding.  Once you have broken thru and see that you have full control over your life, then you are free to follow your bliss.  And when you follow your bliss, synchronicity starts working for you, not against you.

I went over my budget trying to figure out if this is indeed doable.  It takes place the week before I leave for the Camino, so it will cut into my Camino fund.

But guess what miraculous thing happened yesterday?  I made $800!

I made $800 in one day.  I had 4 full priced clients and I sold a few package deals online.

I mean shit, right?  Come on now, really?

I only have one client today at 5 o’clock.  I should hike up sleeping giant for exercise – I badly need it for the Camino.  But I have so much stuff I gotta do at home.  My room is completely demolished, I got my new iPhone 5 in the mail days ago and I still haven’t set it up yet.  I’m starving and need to eat, I need to write up my definitive Camino itinerary but most of all I just need to clean.  Once I’m done cleaning, I can organize my thoughts better.  My brain doesn’t work if my house is a pigsty.

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