Massaging children

The first time I had to massage a kid, his mother was in the room with us watching.

“You have really strong legs.”  She tells me while I’m hunched over trying to rub down her son’s small body.  It was weird and sorta creepy.  Nothing was wrong with the boy.  He was in perfect health.  Your typical ordinary 10-year-old with not a care in the world except for having an odd peculiar mother. 

I’m not positive but I think there’s a law against massaging anyone of the opposite sex who’s under 17.  At least there should be a law.

The second time I gave a kid a massage was here at ME.  She was eight years old and completely adorable.  We were in the couples room next to her mother who was also getting massaged.  They were getting mani-pedi’s together afterwords.  The little girl was super cute, but still…….WTF?  And this wasn’t a once a year mother-daughter day, no.  They do this ALL THE TIME.

I have resentment issue’s when it comes to pampered children.  I had horrible scoliosis when I was a kid and did I get massaged?  Hell no.  It was so bad that the doctor almost forced me to wear a back-brace.  He said I was ‘crooked like a question mark.’ 

My parent’s didn’t force me to wear the brace or even consider alternative options.  They probably never heard of massage therapy unless someone was referring to a non-english speaking asian in a massage parlor.  The kind that lonely sailors frequent.

Anyway, I had to give an 11-year-old girl a massage yesterday.  I walk into the waiting room to fetch her and she was sitting there with her father who looked like a country club man.  It was 90 degree weather and he was still sporting the famous ‘sweater tied around the shoulders’ look and sitting with his legs femininely crossed.

I hadn’t even finished introducing myself before he flatly tells me, “I know you.”

I knew for sure he didn’t know me.  I have one of those faces that nearly everyone recognizes from somewhere and I doubt we hang in the same circle of friends.  I just nod, and say “oh”?

Then he proceeds in telling me how he know’s me.  I still have no idea what he’s talking about, but he’s insistent.  Telling me in a matter-of-fact dead pan sort of way.  How could I argue with the guy when I’m supposed to be rubbing down his pride and joy within the next few minutes?

Some people you can’t contradict, and I could tell that this guy hated being corrected.  So I inwardly rolled my eyes at him and kept my smile dumbly pasted to my face.

“She’s not shy, she gets massaged all the time.  She’s ok, just loosen her up a little.  Oh, and she’s sarcastic sometimes.”  Great, just great.  This little girl wasn’t as adorable as the 8-year-old, this one was affected by the spoil.

All she wanted was her back and feet done.  For one whole hour I had to massage a very small area of space.  I won’t lie.  It sucked, but what can you do.

Rhode island fun

I taken Holly and Emily with me to Rhode island on Sunday and we stayed until Tuesday (today).  I don’t feel good.  I drank 19 beers Sunday night and on Monday I drank another 19 bringing my total to 38 beers in two days. 

This is me Monday morning after drinking the 19 beers

This is me wrestling an alligator

Wrestling a fox

Thumbs up!

A typical sunday evening in the life of all star Melanie

 I started my evening at this excellent restaurant called the Aquaterra in plainville.  I ordered the stuffed tilapia.   

Best tilapia in the world!!

   Holly had the stuffed tilapia, too.  She also agree’s that it’s a very fine dish.   

Holly

   After dinner I decided to impress Holly with my ability to curl my lip like Elvis, wiggle my ears and lift one eyebrow like The Rock.  I have a plethora of God-given natural talent.   

Showcasing my talents made me very thirsty for beer.   

I feel faint and need beer pronto

Can anyone possibly give me a beer? Anyone?

Yeah rock on!

I love you baby beer

Do you love me too beer?

Kiss me one last time before I toss you away

This picture is missing something, but what?

Goggles!

Beer is important before scuba diving

There are many ways of drinking beer

Macgruber taught me how to drink beer thru a snorkel

Having two snorkels makes it easier to breathe

Can't forget the beer

Doing important research on my laptop to find the benefits of wearing goggles and a snorkel while not in water. There's got to be some benefit somewhere.

Holly is a history teacher and so I have to study hard to understand her when she talks.

This is a good time to paint my toenails

and make a few important calls

Happy New Year!

The End

Pooh and friends

Superhero?

Bad dating video’s

I feel so much better about myself after watching that.  I like barbeque Lou the most.

Writing stuff and changing subjects a lot

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself  ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'”

– Eleanor Roosevelt

I say this every time I have to give a massage to someone who’s bathing ritual’s aren’t up to par.

Ugggg, this old guy just walked into starbucks who reeks of catfood.  Holy crap!  He’s the type of person I’m referring to.

I have no new news or interesting events to share with you today.  It’s Thursday at 4:13 pm.  My next client isn’t until 6.  This is a rare event.  A whole two hours with my blog in the middle of a gorgeous work day.  Unfortunately I have nothing interesting to say.

Dave got a crazy fast bike called an Aprilia.  It’s very dangerous on the road.

I think I just cut in line for the bathroom.  There was a skinny timid man standing off to the side, easy to overlook him,  and I knowingly cut in front of him.  He really should’ve been standing closer to the door.  Sorry buddy.

I’m going to start compiling all my old journals into Ebooks.  I have how many?  27? 30?  I forgot.  It’s going to be a painstakingly time-consuming endeavor.  I bought an Ebook to tell me how to write and sell an Ebook.  It was only $4, but the advice is absolutely fabulous.  This is the book if you’re interested in writing your own Ebook: 

How to Make, Market and Sell Ebooks – All for FREE

by Jason Matthews

He really shows you how to do everything at no cost what-so-ever, plus tells you all the venue’s to sell on and SEO stuff, building a free website you can sell your Ebook on without needing a store like Amazon.  EVERYTHING step by step.  Even the formating part of the process.  It’s pretty awesome.  Awesome indeed.  I read half of it today (it’s really easy to read).

So, I have that to look forward to…….

Subject change.

My friend bought me a purse and a new wallet out of sheer kindness.  My old purse was stinky. 

I found an odd-looking shell on the beach one day and stuck it in my purse.  Little did I know there was some ugly sea urchin living in the shell that ended up rotting away in the five days I left my purse in the back seat of my car. 

Blindly sticking my hand in and rummaging for the stink was not a smart move.  I pulled out icky wet goo leaking out of a shell and screamed like a girl.  I kept smelling my fingers after I threw away the shell.  People who smell their fingers are very strange and should be avoided.

So anyway, my friend went and bought me a new purse!  I couldn’t believe it.  Nobody is that nice to me.  Well, rarely that nice.  It’s rare, so when it happens it means a lot.  Now I will probably use that purse and wallet for the rest of my life just as a reminder of the unexpected goodness in people.

Here is an optical illusion of a cat spinning.  Supposedly it can spin in either direction depending on how you perceive it.  I don’t get it.  For me it only spins to the right.  They say with practice you can make it spin in the direction you want.

(Click on it)

If you guys are able to figure it out, post a comment and let me know.

Starbucks is being blown away

I’m sitting in my little starbucks while its thundering and lightening outside.  Doesn’t it seem like thunderstorms bring people together?  There’s a stronger sense of camaraderie in here.  Everyone is friends with everyone. 

Of course if anyone tries starting a conversation with me I would probably ignore them and maybe even leave.  It’s pouring outside.  I’m scared my laptop will get wet on my way back to work.

Everyone really does seem to be friends with everyone in here.  I’m the only one who isn’t sociable.  They’re all laughing together, and one guy has a british accent.  His name is Samuel. 

Now they are all worked up over talk of a tornado.  The girl behind the counter is shouting to close the store.  Her name is Amanda.

“Holy Christmas!”  Is her favorite expression.  “I don’t want to get blow away.  I can see it outside!  It’s coming!”

Now they are talking about making us vodka-chino’s for all us storm dwellers.  Really, I have never seen such a friendly starbucks in my life.  I don’t want to leave.  And I no doubt will be drenched in the first five seconds outside.

A new customer just walked in and everyone say’s Hi to her. 

Amanda says she’s going to build us all an arc.  Samuel says he doesn’t think it’s a tornado yet.

The lights just flickered.  I have to go back to work.  Shit.

Mediocre photography

 

I went on a ghost tour of a prison a while back and the tour guide told us that when we take pictures and see “orbs” in the photo, that it’s an image of a ghost. 

Well, I taken a few pictures over the weekend when I was down in Rhode Island, and now I know for sure that those orbs aren’t ghosts.  They are dust particles that reflect off the flash.  The dust is nearly invincible with no light around, but hold up a flashlight in the dark, and you can see them flying around in front of the lens. 

My Dad and my uncle's boats

 

A tall beer can

  

Taking pictures while trespassing

 I was standing outside someone’s cottage in the middle of the night taking picture’s and I heard a woman inside the house start freaking out that she just saw a flash, “a big flash.”  The man she was talking to told her to calm down, but she was very loud and said, “Well let’s just see if there’s going to be another one.  Something’s out there.” 

I wasn’t on their property, I was standing on the road outside.  I found the whole thing very comical.  I think she was hoping it was aliens or something exciting like that. 

It's a driveway with a bunch of shattered clamshells for pavement

I was getting so bitten up by mosquito’s when I was outside taking these pictures.  So I go inside and bother my Dad while he watched The Godfather on tv. 

Pop

Sitting on the couch and taking pictures

I'm watching the Godfather and taking a pic of myself

That’s not a very flattering pic, so here’s another one. 

House Sitting

I’m house-sitting for my brother and his girlfriend.  They have a huge Doberman pinscher that is up my butt the minute I enter the house.  I didn’t mind it at first.  I thought it was cute that he liked me so much, but he’s getting out of hand. 

We bonded yesterday within the first ten minutes I got there.  We were sitting on the couch together and Gunnar (the dog) was licking protectively at his scrotum when he decided to catch me unawares by licking my lips directly after he was done with his balls. 

“Ugghh, plahhhh.  Gross Gunner.” 

I tried pushing him away, but he is so strong and solid that he wouldn’t budge.  To him it was a special moment.  Now he feels a strong connection between me and his lipstick container. 

He stares at me when I eat.  And when I’m done eating, he stares at me while drinking my coffee.  I put down the coffee and watch Good Morning America and he’s still staring at me.  His face is 2 inches from mine. 

I try pushing him away, but that only makes him get closer to my face

 

My view of the tv

 

Last night we slept together.  It was either that or listen to him cry and whine all night.  He flopped down hard beside me and starts his nightly ablutions.  Loud smacking sounds ensue.  He wants to go under the covers, so he pulls them off of me.  I somehow managed to fall asleep with him under the blankets.  When I woke up a few hours later, his head was nuzzled up against mine, sleeping on the same pillow as me. 

He wakes me up 5 minutes before my alarm went off.  I try going to the bathroom, but he whines and howls outside the closed bathroom door.  I open it and he comes in and rests his head on my lap while I was sitting on the toilet.  Now I’m constipated. 

He also chewed up my sock. 

He bit into it like it was cotton candy

 

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I’ve been without internet the whole time I was house sitting and then I went to Rhode Island where I was also without internet.  I was going crazy these past few days.  I need to catch up on some blog time.  It’s going to be blog-a-rific!