I smoked pot last night and started looking up info on the Camino. I was high and mellow, letting the herb do what it does until I saw this picture:
“Oh shit what if something happens? What if I twist my ankle or get so tired that I can’t go on? I’ll be all alone in a foreign country looking down a road like that!”
Then it got worse. I looked at several more roads and imagined myself on them.
“Oh shit oh shit oh shit I can’t do this!”
Then I watched this trailer for a documentary about the Camino:
(They say they have a new and improved trailer, but I like this one more.)
After that, I became excited again.
When looking down that lonely road what I’ll really be looking at are my fears, mostly my fear of death. Pilgrims have no choice but to rely on one another for support and strength. Being around people can make you feel courageous and strong. It’s your love and their love that cuts through fear.
My pot addled brain told me that by walking the Camino, I’m helping the world heal itself. By helping others along the way, by conquering my own demons, I’m adding to the bravery of others and in truth, I’m instilling bravery into the world. It’s humbling down to the point of facing the truth in that we all need each other.
I can say that I’m walking the Camino for myself all I want, but I can’t get away from the truth of it effecting the infinite energy body of our one human spirit. It’s unavoidable. Last night I came to this realization that no matter what I do, how solitary or secluded I keep to myself, or how much I give – the world will be effected either way.
Then I told myself not to question this new insight once my high wore off. There’s no logic to it, or words to describe it, but it was an unmistakable feeling of true reality. It was a feeling - taking place in the deepest part of me. If I were to try and break it down for my rational brain to accept, it won’t happen. It’s true. Leave it.
You have to trust these feelings as real and not argue.
I thought about Amy and how her perceptions seemed so real to her, but not real to the rest of the world. And it made me wonder if all this I’m feeling is only in my head. But then I realized it was her own fears coming to life. She was projecting them onto me. That’s why it’s extremely important to let go all fear – fear is absent of light, it’s evil all in itself. It’s seeing the world through fear-laden goggles. And you will never know what you’re afraid of until you become self-aware.
Honestly if you want to be humbled and forgiven, try facing your truest intentions. There you will find your fears (or desires). If you don’t know whether or not your intensions are honest, ask yourself if it’s the compassionate way, or merely your ego talking. Compassion is the road to sainthood, and saints change the world for the better!
So why do people not choose compassion? Because of their ego’s.
Ego’s keeps us in the “fun” zone.
When I was under Aya, she told me that the ego can be fun. But to keep in mind that it’s not real. It’s only a delusion, or illusion. Ego makes you feel like you’re in control and you can play the world like a game. She also said there are many games in the world to choose from, and they are all there as learning experiences.
I’m in work waiting for my last client. Einstein, the dog, just licked the inside of my mouth – how do dogs know the exact place where you don’t want to be licked?
Maybe the mouth is the most vulnerable place. That’s what makes it so sensual. Oh man, am I still high?
I’m using pot as a tool to acquire these insights (it stimulates the pineal gland which is the gateway into the spirit realm). But with pot, you have to cut through the boundaries of your ego whereas with ayahuasca, she detaches it with ease (unless you don’t surrender and trust). In my experience with smoking weed, you have no choice but to let go of everything – when you don’t let go, the babble in your brain goes into hyper drive.
I don’t see the point in smoking it with others who treat it as a recreational drug. The point of the experience will be lost if all you do is giggle and get silly. Not to mention it makes me unbelievably lazy. Before I smoke, I make sure everything is done for the day. That I’m fed, I have water next to me, sheets are washed, alarm clock set – everything must be done otherwise I’d forget, or fall asleep.
I’m getting acquainted and familiar with the feeling of being high and so I’m able to guide it into my higher state of being – of course my body and language center are tuned out during this time, giving pot its bad rep. Plus people abuse it. But it’s just another tool, another sacred herb to reach us in ways that our everyday brain can’t understand. We are so hard-wired and pattern-seeking survivalists that in order for us to get out of our patterns, we have to think differently.
Pot was calling to me for a reason, I knew it! But how deep will I go with this? How many layers and insights are there? Am I strong enough to hold it together?
There’s a reason why we are in the dark. People just aren’t ready. They’re not strong enough – hence the importance of evolving. The first step to evolving? Self actualization. Then there’s facing your fears, suffering, compassion, etc… and another layer of strength unfurls.
I learned all this on my own, but if you go on YouTube and listen to spiritual teachers for yourself, you’d see that this stuff is EVERYWHERE! It’s strange I never noticed it before. I’m 33 years old and I finally found my true religion. More like it found me.
I’m finding that spirituality is a religion. The truths are all congruent to the point where I can call it organized. But unlike with other religions, Spiritual believers don’t fight or cause wars. We don’t worship anything but ourselves. We bow our respects to Jesus, Moses and the like – because ALL religions have truth, they all teach the same insights. But they were organized and made solid by the fears of the parishioners. If they let go of those fears, trust and let in compassion, they will embody God. They would have no choice but to accept responsibility for their choices and the roads they had taken. And that alone can scare the SHIT out of everybody!
Complete control and complete responsibility for all actions and all that happens to you. Who wants to admit to their faults? No one! So they blame. They are free to live a life of denial so long as they can place blame. In a crazy way if you think long and hard about it, a fear based religion can do this. Anything that places judgement, anything that places another person as being “higher” or “right”, causes war and hatred.
Again, another day not knowing what to write about turned into be a beauty. My client will be here any minute so…..